July 01, 2015 |
The Ten Steps of Publishing
- A Writer such as yourself writes a Manuscript.
- The Writer prints this Manuscript at the local library at approximately 10 cents per page. Please see the front desk for instructions.
- The Writer sends this Manuscript to a Council of Readers. At this point, the Writer also plants a single Rose.
- The Readers read. The Rose grows.
- If the Rose reaches maturation (i.e. “blooms”) before the Readers release their Reading Report, the Writer returns to step zero. If the Readers release their Reading Report before the Rose grows, the Writer smothers the Rose and reads the Reading Report.
- The Writer revises.
- The Writer resends the Manuscript to the council of Readers, but actually the Writer has disguised him or herself as the Manuscript (a la the Trojan Horse), and when the Council of Readers opens the Manuscript, the Writer steps out, challenges the Chief Reader to single combat, wins, and discovers that the Readers were actually Golems all along.
- The Writer makes sure that the Manuscript has page numbers—please!
- The Writer finds an Agency, such as this one, and together the Writer and Agency find a Publisher.
- USA TODAY Bestseller.